Known-believer

And it occurred to me. For a long time, I used to wonder about this. But, I guess I have figured it out now.

Most people in this world can either be classified as believers or non-believers. There are those that believe in the existence of a super natural force - call it God, fate, luck or anything else. These people believe that this force would take care of them - to guide, nurture and protect them in life. Then, there are those who can be called non-believers. They dont believe in any such external force. They make their own fate. They create their own destiny. Anything good or bad that happens to them is a result of their own actions.

For a long time, I have been wondering which group I fall into. And then, I realized that there is a third group. And that is what I come under. Because of certain previous instances, which can only be classified as miracles, I accept the unverifiable gospel that God or some other such entity exists, and this entity plays a governing role. But then, here is the twist in my belief. Although I believe in the existence of God, I dont have faith in him. I believe that God exists, but I dont feel that he is on my side. And I dont think that he does a good job of ensuring justice.

I know there would be those that would say that all that happens does so for a good cause. But, considering all that happens in this world - how innocent people lose their lives, how miscreants flee away after imposing atrocities on people and so on, one wouldnt do wrong to acknowledge that injustice prevails.

If God is so good as I hear the first group of people talk about, why does he do things or allow things to be done, that cause mayhem and cant be undone? I can only leave that as a rhetorical question for now.

The Ladder

"Another rung in the ladder" said the subject line as I sent out a mail (2 years ago) about my recent shift to the technical architecture group in our company. It was only later that I would have realized the profound meaning of the word 'ladder'.

Last night, as has happend at the end of any recent weekend, I lay in bed, waiting to get sleepy. But, that wouldnt happen for around an hour. I guess my brain is most active at this time. Just before its time for the shutters.

I was thinking about what I had thought of as a kid. What did I want to become? I guess most American kids want to become pilots or fire fighters. And for most Indian kids, becoming a cricket player or a movie star would be the dream. Name, fame, money and recognition, all at a young age is perhaps what drives many to such a lucrative career. I remember that I had written in one of the school autograph books that I want to become a professional sportsperson. If not, to become an engineer. Well, as they say, we end up in life doing what we are second best at. So, an engineer I am. But, I was just wondering why I wanted to become a sportsperson. I wasnt really as good in cricket. I used to dream of competing in the olympics running race, winning a gold medal for my country. It wasnt really the money or any of the other dazzling gifts that usually people associate with sports. Its the satisfaction of being the top guy in the field of your choice. In sports, that goal is very tangible, unlike in other fields. But that, ultimately, is what most people want. To exceed in whatever field they choose or whatever field chooses them. To quote the dialog from Lakshya, agar main ghaas kaatne waala bhi ban gaya, lekin achha ghaas kaatne waala nahi bana, to kya faayda?

So, aiming for excellence in whatever we do is the ultimate goal. Now, there is no limit for the heights of excellence. And if you consider the field I am in, there is really no gold medal that says "here is the best programmer in the world". But, I am ok with that. The search for excellence persists.

I came into this industry with a true interest in it. What I have noticed, like in the film industry, is that many people get into it, not because of true interest, but just to make some quick bucks. I see that majority of people fall in this category. The search for excellence is not present generally. Doing better is a comparative analysis for most. The questions are - how can I do just enough to make people feel that I am doing better than the other folks? Its no longer a matter of how high you can fly. Its more a matter of how can you bring down someone else so that you can look higher, or how you show yourself being higher instead of actually having to do so! All this is rubbish. In the search for excellence, we need not compare ourselves with others. We need to compare ourselves with what we were. This is also pretty similar to what one should do in the gym. The comparison is only with yourself, with what you were and what you are now.

Having said that, I am not saying that you need to work on your own. Working in a team is good. Its mutually beneficial for all. But, co-operation, not competition, is the key to success.

All that was general talk. Now, time for some reminiscence. Over the last few years, I put in efforts, with personal sacrifices, to be a person that aims for excellence. But, things havent been going well for the last 2 years. I tried to rise high, becoming a ladder which can be used by others to get high as well. But, in my attempt to become a ladder, I found that a few used me literally as a ladder, by stepping on me for their own benefits. And now I am like a used tea-bag for them, thrown away after use. The ladder lies on the floor. What used to look like a means to achieve great heights is now just a wooden fixture, strangely full of large holes, and seemingly useless. It has taken quite some time, but I have learnt not to give up. What was that saying? If you get up one more time than you fall down, you will succeed.

Communication Exception

I have always felt that my oral skills are not good enough, not even as good as my written skills. Couple of events a few days ago reconfirmed this belief.

It was Friday evening. The busy week was coming to an end. We had got out of a team meeting. One of the relevant points made by the manager was said to a colleague (RS), specifics about how she should send the status update mail before leaving for the day. After a few minutes, I was looking for a friend of mine (TK), and I found him in RS's cubicle. She was drafting the mail and was about to send it. I just had a glance at it and noticed that the manager had specifically asked her to do something else. I pointed out the issue, and instead of thanking me, for some reason, she felt that I was trying to confuse her. This put me off. Later, TK started to talk to her about some issue that I had brought up earlier in the day. RS just waved it off, telling TK that he shouldnt believe what I say. That blew my top off. Perhaps this attitude was a general approach taken because I kid around a lot. But, such generalization is not good for the team. Even my good intentions were not taken with the right approach. So, I decided to not say another word to her for the rest of the day. Highly unprofessional of myself, I must say, but there you have it. I felt something went wrong in the way I have communicated to her.

On the next day, a friend of mine asked me if I could help her out with some money, as she was planning to buy a house. She had the same kind of job that I had, and since I felt she was financially as secure as I was, I gave a very frank reply. I told her that I like to help only those people who dont have other means to. For example, I would help out one of my neighbours back home, an auto-rickshaw driver. Or I would help out my cousin when he doesnt have other means. But, why should I help out this friend of mine, as she could as well take a housing loan. I told all this very frankly to her. And I guess, you can expect the result. She didnt like my response. She said, she didnt need the money then, but was just seeing which of her friends could help when the time comes. And with such a response, she wouldnt approach me even if she felt the need. I believed I was right in my own way, but I was wrong in communicating it properly.

I am reminded of a story from my school days. Person A is desperately in need of some money. He finds a friend of his, B on the beach. When asked, B responds saying that he was just taking a stroll on the beach and had come without any cash. A is livid at this response and says that B was just making an excuse. A approaches C, another friend of his. C mentions that A is late by just a few minutes, as he claims to have given all the money he had with him to another friend of his. A is happy by this response and thanks C. But, in truth, C told a lie and didnt share the money he had on him at that moment. Yeh duniya hai!

Sax and Violins

Well, I dont really like sax music. But, I love the sound of violins. They have to be played by one who knows them well, though. When in the wrong hands, as with other great things, it can cause as much catastrophe!

I am led to believe that it is the finest instrument in terms of expressiveness, that it can play all kinds of tones. Ah, I wish I werent really so tone deaf. Or do I just think I am that? I would have definitely made a great violin player, if I had the gift. Well, perhaps I do have the gift and I have never tried as much. Maybe the time will come some day. :-) Hey, at least wishful thinking is better than lamenting.

The Dallas Trip

The last time I met my bhaiya, bhabhi and the kiddo was on 1st Jan last year. I was on my way from Cochin to Atlanta, and I had to gatecrash at their apartment because of flight problems, which thankfully happened in Hyderabad. "Welcome to Atlanta" mocked my bhaiya, who really isnt as famous for his witty remarks as I am. He does make up for lack of quantity with some more quality, though. :-)

Then, after my 6 week onsite assignment, when I returned in Feb, they were on their way to Dallas on the same day. I was wondering whether we could wave each other tata as the planes pass by, like trains in nearby tracks. Heheh. Well, as you might have guessed, that didnt happen. And so, while I remained at offshore for the next few months, these folks remained in Dallas. I got my chance to come back to US in December, to Chicago and then in Feb this year, to Minneapolis. And since I was supposed to go back soon, with these folks still here, I thought it would be a good idea to go meet them. Visiting family and friends is what I like to do a lot, although I am all at sea about what to do when I get there. This reminds me, when was the last time I travelled by sea? Anyway, back to the point.

I decided the right time would be on a weekend, with the impending India trip, so that I could hold on to as many leaves as I could. Hey, if there were more leaves around, I would be Tarzan. Back to the point again.

Now, the question was to figure out the right weekend. That was an easy choice as my niece, Malutti's b'day fell over a weekend this year. Of course, my bhaiya and bhabhi had predicted this as I kept delaying my weekend plans before this date. My bhabhi's brother, Rahul was also coming from San Diego for this. So, it was to be the nice family get-together.

I left early on Friday, direct from office, got onto the metro train, which left me at the footsteps of giant escalators, 3 of them. This led me to the MSP (Minneapolis & St. Paul's) airport. It was raining cats and dogs outside, although pets arent allowed in most of the places here. Eventually, the flight was delayed by 3 hours. In compensation, they offered us a $25 discount coupon, to be used on the next flight booking.

I reached Dallas airport safely (havent been on one which was otherwise). I had my iPod and a book for companionship. Its easy to spend the few waiting hours with them around.

My bhaiya had come to pick me up. "Welcome to Dallas" he said. I smiled. He remembered our last meeting then. We made a few rounds at the airport, just buying enough time to park again, since Rahul was getting down from his flight. We picked him up. He had brought his bag with him, the one that bhabhi had asked us to bring so that we could take back packed home-made food. His bag was smaller than what I had brought. So, you can guess who got to take back more of the food. Heheh.

When we reached home, the little kiddo was awake, and was jumping with joy. We got in just by midnight and in time to wish her 'Happy birthday'. The next 2 days were spent all with her, with the kiddo enjoying her time with her mamaji and chachaji.

On the b-day morning, we went to the store to pick up the birthday cake that was ordered by bhabhi. I didnt even bother to put on any additional (read protective) clothes or even comb my hair. Dallas was pleasantly hot enough, when compared to the harsh weather in Minneapolis.

Then, it was time to get ready and get to the Indian restaurant where we had asked some of bhaiya's colleagues to come with their family. It was fun. Bhaiya had devised this game on the lines of KBC, and it was called 'Kaun Banega Achha Pati'. :-) I was to be the host, acting out like AB, which was strangely, for the first time in front of my family members here.

So, after a heavy lunch and more cake for dessert, we were all tired on our way back home. When we reached the apartment, the kiddo wanted to go out to play in the park! "Park, tata" was the cue. She kept uttering it until her mom took her to the park for tata. Heheh. Rahul and I wanted to go, but just couldnt keep up with the dynamo's energy level, and went flat on the beds.

Next day, we did go with her to the park. That was fun as well. Playing along with her, on the swing and then, on the slide. Climb, slide down, run back fast - she kept doing this over and over again, until we had to execute a break in her seemingly infinite loop.

The best thing was the way she used to laugh at just the little gestures we used to make. Even a poor imitation of a lion's roar would generate uncontrollable laughter from her. And sometimes, for no reason at all, she used to come and give a hug. Such unconditional love was something I had rarely seen. So, here was another person (in the very small list) who meant more to me than myself. :-)

On early Monday morning, with some grief of departure and the bag full of food, my bhaiya took me to the airport. I came to the airport 50 minutes earlier than the departure of my flight. But because of waiting at the line to get a kiosk to check-in for my flight, I got delayed. Also, Delta airways said that they could not check me in using their kiosk although they had mentioned Northwest as their partners. Lost more time there. At the end, when I got a NW kiosk to check in, the airline staff told me that I was 3 minutes late (with 27 minutes remaining for the flight to take off). They put me on standby for the next flight, and the one after that, and another one after that. I kept waiting for 4 flights and thereby spent 10 hours in the DFW airport. Even after calling customer support to reschedule my flight to sometime later in the evening or for next day, I was told I have to pay around 389 dollars for this. I checked with my roomie and he got me a confirmed seat for the first flight on the next day with the minimal charge of 50 dollars for the reschedule. The airline staff at the gates and at the check in counter were not that helpful either.

Meanwhile, I had called up my manager and told him that I would be delayed in Dallas by a day. I just hope he doesnt think that I had this preplanned. I called up my 3 of my friends in Dallas, asking if they were able to meet me then. I couldnt meet them earlier since all the 2 days was spent with the kiddo. But, none of them could meet me that day. Now, they shouldnt be able to complain anymore. I gave them a chance, right? :-)

I asked my bhaiya to pick me up. On the way back to the apartment, I was wondering - on my way to Dallas, the NW flight was delayed by 3 hours due to maintenance and they gave me a 25 dollar voucher off for next time. And on this flight, when I was delayed by 3 minutes, NW took me off the confirmed list, asked me to wait for 10 hours and then ask me to pay 389 dollars to get on board the evening flight. Also, both my checked in bags were sent to MSP on the previous day. I had to spend a whole day in Dallas without my stuff and had to rush at the MSP airport to make sure that they dont dump my baggage. Well, the silver lining in this dark cloud was that I got more time that day to spend with the kiddo.

On the next day morning, the flight was at the same time as on the previous day. This time, we didnt take any chances and went there 2 hours early. It was easy this time and by 10 AM, I was in office. I had already got a call from my manager on the way there. Ah, another beautiful day of work to look forward to, I thought, with the travel bag still on my back.

So, should I call this the Dallas trip or the Dallas fall? :-) Well, this happend in the month of April, so it was the Spring season and not Fall. Secondly, although I had this minor hiccup (trip) at the airport, I really didnt fall. Silly, but simple.

Let me finish off with this old Chinese proverb:
"If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through."

So, what happened, exactly?

"So, what exactly happened over the past 2 months?" is the first thought that crossed my mind when I saw my blog site today. Its been 2 months since I posted anything here. Few of my friends have been telling me about it and today, while talking to one, I reminded myself to do this on the same day.

Of course, the fact that I am not feeling very sleepy at present, even though its nearing 1 AM, helps me put in some thoughtful words here. So, let me crank up the flashback memory and see where I had left off.

April - the Dallas trip, ok, I owe you that.
May - the India trip, ok, need to blog about that as well.
June - Boy! this month is almost over, with just one significant event.

Ok, before I keep forgetting stuff, I need to blog about these. Right on, the Dallas trip it is then, in the next posting. :-)

Note: Procrastination is an ancient art.

So, in this posting, let me mention my current state of mind.

I dont know what to do. Over the past few days, there has been a lot to do at work. But, in effect, its not really much that I am doing. For quite some time now, I feel that nothing much is happening in life these days. I feel down. But, I also feel elated at the same time, for some strange reason. Perhaps it is because of the 'calm before the storm' feeling. I feel as if I am on the verge of something, as if something major is going to happen. So, what would that be? And when will that happen? Only time will tell.

Pretty Face

When I first saw her, I thought I had never seen a girl more beautiful than her in my life. I couldnt resist the urge to go to her. Her father was right behind her and was showing his disapproval when I first tried to touch her. Her response to me was to offer a hug. I did so, and her mother came to the spot, amazed at all this. Her mother mentioned "She knows when she has found one of her people." "What do you mean?" I asked. The reply was "Well, when she met her mamaji, she was very friendly to him, but not so with any other strangers. Now that her chachaji has come, she knows it well!" Of course, I am talking about my bhaiya and bhabhi's kid girl. She was just a few months old when I first saw her.

Next time I could meet her was on her second birthday. Thats when I had the Dallas trip planned. More about that in the next posting.

Vish-U a happy Vishu

Today is Vishu. A day that historically coincides with a lot of good news for me. Lets see how the next 24 hours unfold. Just thought of putting in a placeholder posting here before I go off to sleep. You see, I have to wake up early tomorrow morning - planning to get up before the sun does, and get darshan of the little vishu-kani that I managed to assemble.

12:30 AM - In an effort to get everything ready before I go off to sleep, I pulled out the plug of the little electric clock that remained in the corner of the room. When I put it back on, the time was reset to 12:00 and it started blinking irritatingly. Nice start, I thought initially. In a few minutes, I tried out a few attempts to make it appear normal, but in vain. Then frantically, I pressed on a few buttons in tandem, thereby getting to know that it was the manner in which to use the buttons on it. I needed to press one of the buttons and then make the hour and minute changes. Well, so finally, by 12:45, I learnt to set the clock time and to set it right. That was some achievement considering the fact that the little clock had always intrigued me and it was always in the back of my mind to set the time right on it some day. Today was the day.

01:00 AM - Trying to go to sleep, but for some reason cant. Now since Vishu is new year for us, perhaps I was wondering about all the bad events in the past year. Of course, no one can go to sleep thinking about such events. So, I changed the strategy and it worked. That's why I dozed off soon thereafter. Now dont ask me what the strategy was. I dont remember as I dozed off, you see. :-)

05:00 AM - or thereabouts, I dont know the exact time but I surely know that this was before the alarm time. In the faint light of my digital equipments, I took darshan of the vishu-kani that I could touch by hand. I started getting into meditation mode, but wasnt getting strong enough. Went back to sleep soon.

05:30 AM - The first of the alarms started ringing. I say first because as is my practice, I go back to snooze mode at least twice. I was still very groggy but suddenly decided to have darshan of the digital vishu-kani that Mom had sent from back home. I went over to the laptop. Tried out the fingerprint sensor login thrice, didnt work out! Logged in using the password, trying not to read anything. You see taking darshan on this day is all about starting off the day with setting your eyes first on something pleasant. Well, I had set the photo ready to be seen as soon as I logged in. And it worked! The divine sight looked too real to be called just a digital photo. I wondered in amazement, perhaps not thinking about God, but just about how the lamp looked so real. The light from it appeared to fill the room when the sun wasnt up yet. And this surely got rid of my grogginess. I was truly awake. Perhaps I should try this daily since I spend around 30 to 60 minutes every morning in the groggy state. I spent some better moments in meditation.

06:00 AM - I decided to put down all the happenings here. I see that the sun is fast catching up. Of course, it eventually wins everyday as it knows what to do. It has a clear path set in front of it, whereas I just keep wondering day after day.

06:15 AM - Have to leave by 7. So, let me start getting ready for work. More updates later.

07:00 AM - Got a voicemail from my SPM that she wont be coming to office today as she is down with flu. The only other guy with whom I carpool had already told me that he wont be coming today. So, that just leaves me with the bus option, unless I want to get desperate and call someone else this early in the morning.

07:10 AM - Doesnt matter how early I get up. I always end up rushing at the last minute. The bus is supposed to leave at 07:10 and I am making sure that I have my breakfast before I leave the flat. I am drinking the milk so fast that it is coming out of my nose. Talk about a release valve! So, I reach the bus stop at 07:12 AM thinking that the bus would have already left, but I see quite a few people standing at the bus stop. Nice sight - 5 Indians and one white lady. I greet those I know and go to the end of the queue. Thankfully, the bus came 5 minutes late or perhaps someone told me the wrong actual arrival time.

07:15 AM - Now the thing about the buses here is that they accept some bus passes. Others can put in cash - currency notes or coins. The bus fare is $2.75 to the downtown and on the first day here, I made the mistake of putting in a 5$ note. The change didnt come out of the box and the driver told me that he was helpless. Ah, the agonies of an automated civilized life! Since that day, I made it a practice to tender exact change. But this day, I was out of 1 dollar notes. I had some 1 dollar coins - a rare and I believe new sight for most. So, I asked the driver if his coin consumer would accept the 1 dollar coins. He said he didnt know but that I can try. I put in the dollar coin and the machine shows 0.20. He said thats ok, put it all in. I will make it a discount. Some discount! I was putting in the entire fare. Anyway, this was better than losing out. So, this was a nice start.

07:18 AM - Yes, unlike most other places, the bus actually stops at the bus stop here and it does so for a few minutes. I sat down next to one of my colleagues - a senior technical architect. I did this as I figured I had forgotten my trusty iPod. In a few minutes, I had the big guy sleeping.

07:45 AM - The bus reached the office gates. Another boring day ahead!

09:00 AM - Got some time to follow up on lots of mails since offshore is on leave today.

11:00 AM - Such a great day. I just have one meeting today, and a very safe one. I get to spend the rest of the time in my cube - lucky me!

05:00 PM - Another gruelling day comes to an end, with me wondering about what I was doing at work. Is this the kind of job I wanted?

06:00 PM- I get back home. I upload the Dallas pics and send some design review comments to offshore.

07:30 PM - I rush off to the gym, trying to get something out of this day which is otherwise seemingly devoid of any happenings.

08:30 PM - Quick shower and time to cook some food. And time to start blogging again. In parallel, I get involved in some chatting with my friends.

10:00 PM - Dinner and a movie

11:00 PM - Offshore call

12:30 AM - That was another long call. Now for some chat with folks at home.

01:00 AM - Time to sleep. Another early morning is on the horizon. I will let the sun beat me this time.

Evidently, there were no miracles on this Vishu. Looking forward to a great day. As some great singer has said, or sung rather, "On a day like today, the whole world will change..."

Note to self: Blog about my last weekend's Dallas trip - with the :) and the :(

A long March ends soon

It has been quite a busy month. So busy that I hardly realized it. I had just enough time to put a blog entry at the beginning of this month. So, here I am again to salvage my record.

So, what kept me busy? Work, to be frank. There was enough of it that I used to lose my sleep over it. What I mean is with the work timings, I used to go to sleep late and also had to get up early. 6 AM in the morning would just be normal for many people, but that time is way too early. In fact, when I was on my way to work one of these days, I saw a big orange ball of fire in the sky looking directly at me. Thats when I realized that it had been quite some time since I had seen the sun rise, or quite simply - sunrise. The only time I saw sunrise in the last few years had been when I would burn all of the midnight oil and leave the workplace at dawn. I know that my parents still wake up very early, even during their retired life, seemingly trying to outpace the sun and as if to say "Lets see who gets up first". Its just a matter of habit for them. But for me, the few extra minutes (which sometimes turns into a few extra hours) of sleep in the early morning is just golden, too costly to sell or settle for anything else. But for some vague reason, I kept getting up sluggishly every morning this month and went to work.

Its not as if the work was that interesting. It was just a matter of untangling the knots. And since last week has seen many of the knots being untangled, I am relatively relieved. Or should I say, was? Because this weekend saw a few more events that got me a bit worried again. Well, stuff happens. And thats what keeps the ball rolling. Many a times I wonder why I dont work on the important things that I have in mind. Perhaps I just try to finish off all the mundane tasks so that I can focus on the important ones. In the last few days, I told myself to take care of the important tasks first. The rest of the small stuff were then easier to brush off in the remaining time.

Another fact that I realized over these days was that I had just stopped doing anything just because in recent months I wasnt getting rewarded for working hard. But as some great mind has said, the harder I try, the luckier I get. So, let me just keep working hard and not worry about the result. But in doing so, one has to take a step backward once in a while and ask whether what I am doing is right. Is there a better way to do this? Or should I do something else instead? Well, that is what I have been doing this past weekend. And although I got more than my share of failures during these days, I also got quite a few tasks done, which have been pending for quite some months.

I know I have been holding my cards too close for you (the reader) to get anything substantial out of all this, but bear with me for now. More about it as I come to know the results.

Ok, time for me to put some more tangible points on this post now.

But, before that an ice-breaker. Warning - original joke ahead. If I have to give a gift, I would give a felt tipped pen. Why? Because its said that you need to make your presents (presence) felt.

We are so much obsessed with round figures. Do you really think about 32 as a benchmark number? Well, usually no, unless you are counting your teeth. But then, 32 fahrenheit is zero celsius. And, thats the benchmark figure here in Minneapolis when we want to find out if the weather is warm enough. Its officially spring here, but its still snowing all around. I guess I would like to look ahead to summer then.

Oh, one of the things I got working this weekend was getting my new digicam. It a Sony again. The last one had some irrepairable damage done to it in the torrential rains of Kerala. And the estimated repair costs exceeded the price of this new one. So, understandably, I got the new one. Couple of events coming up within a week where I can use this beauty. Looking forward to it.

Thats it for now. Will come back soon with more thoughts. My, the word count here exceeds my expectations! Let me pat my back. Ow, its that much more difficult after a workout.

Later.

The march is on!

Its March! And it was a good way to start this month. First of all, the month started with a weekend, and we have enough days in this month to get 5 weekends. Wow! So, what special has happened this weekend? Well, to begin with, I watched India win the first cricket finals against Australia in Sydney and I watched it till the end, although it was 5.30 AM then. The icing on the cake was that Sachin scored a century, was man of the match, and also stayed at the crease till the end. Wonder when I will be able to see that happen again!

Strangely, I prefer to watch cricket matches alone, instead of with friends. Sometimes, I like to do that with movies as well. I wouldnt call myself a loner, but I wonder why I feel that way sometimes. And its not a behavior I have developed recently. Maybe I just like to give more attention to get a better percentage of entertainment.

I just watched a couple of movies today - Se7en (which I categorize as psycho) for the first time, and Anand (which I categorize as great) for the umpteenth time. I hadnt planned to watch the latter completely today. I just started it when I got down to lunch. But, as with most great movies, I just dont know when to hit the stop button. This also happened to me when I watched Forrest Gump for the first time. My mom had called me for lunch and I just stood there watching the complete movie, thinking after every few minutes that I will just watch it for just a few more minutes, until I realized they were showing the credits. I didnt even get time to sit down. But yes, I did watch that alone as well.

But, If I am watching something that I have watched earlier, this behavior changes. I realize I spend more time looking at my family/friends enjoy the show rather than being focussed on the screen. Well, I do have a few good friends.

Next up on my task list for the weekend, I decided to call a few of my friends during the weekend. I made 4 calls to India, where most of my best friends still live. I had a nice time talking to them. Then, I turned to talk to my relatively new found friends, who are in the US. There, I distinctly found the difference. I hung up after 5 calls, since 4 of them said they were too busy with what they were doing right then and would call me back later. Only one of them actually did. So, that set me thinking. The obvious part was that the ones whom I consider to be my best friends had enough time for me. One of them said she had enough mouth to talk although she was having lunch right then. The other part that I thought of was why is it that most people in general had become quite busy? Perhaps being married takes away a lot of your time away from friends.

A few days ago, some topic brought my client manager to express his desire to visit India and to know about the marriage system in the country. My Infy manager mentioned that its true that arranged marriages are still very common in India, but more number of people are finding their soul mates by themselves. Its a trend you can see very easily in urban India, where the youth has become more courageous and decisive. To put in my 2 cents, I told them a couple of points. One, that in India, only the adventurous still get into the love marriage, since essentially they have to play hide and seek to stay away from their parents, the so called well-wishers and the society at large. Its still not considered to be something ethical to do in my country, although the perception changes when the divine blessing of marriage is bestowed on such a couple. My second point was in favor of the social structure in India - where we have this catch all scenario for people who are not able to find a good soul mate on their own. For such people, the arranged marriage system is a very good option to find their better half. In the US, on the contraray, you are on your own and your folks would at best just term you a loser if you cant find someone. So, we now know what is the best (or what I consider them to be the best) of both worlds. Perhaps if we can accomodate the good points from both the countries, we would have a better world.

Instead of making the world a better place to live (which I consider is what engineers are most good at), the last important point on my weekend to-do list was to catch up on enough sleep. The overnight cricket match didnt really allow me to do that and since Monday morning is just six hours away, I guess I better hit the sack now. The sack! Let me hold on that point for now. I will revisit that in a few months. Thats is for now. Adios amigos!

Note: I hope you like the way how my different thoughts here have a good flow in this article, rather than being random.

Me.Random()

A few random thoughts that I collected over the last few days - thought of penning (or keyboarding rather) them down here.

I dont feel like working!

All the talk about my brother and snow earlier brought me fond memories of my childhood when we used to save all our pocket money to buy Tintin books. Whats that got to do with snow? Remember Tintin's dog's name? My brother used to be Tintin in those days and I was his able assistant, Snowy. My brother wanted me in on the deal to buy the books so that he could use my share of the pocket money as well. And I was a little trickster myself. Although I enjoyed those books, I would sometimes tell my brother that I didnt understand what was in the book and so, I enjoyed the time when I got him to read it for me. I guess it was mainly because I dont think he would have approved if I had directly asked him to read it to me. Thats the way we always used to love one another in our family. Nothing that is too mushy. We dont openly say it, but we know it and do things for one another as long as it is just in our hearts and not too evident.

What do you do when the tap goes drip, drip, drip? You try to do something about it, as you have been taught that water, like many other things, is a precious commodity. As I lay down to sleep yesterday, with my hand on my forehead, I heard a significantly similar sound. This time, though, it was my wristwatch that was making this sound. A strange thought crossed my mind then. Time is also such an, if not the most, important commodity. And I feel that I am wasting it away. Agreed that I cannot stop the flow of time like I can with the water in the tap, but I feel I am not doing anything useful with it at present.

There are so many meetings scheduled here that I guess their favorite song should be "Tumse milne ko dil karta hai, re baba, tumse milne ko dil karta hai..."

Knowledge is the essence of life. Gyaan praapt karo aur gyaan baanto. Gyaan baantne se badhta hai.

I feel everyone is selfish. Everyone does things to make them happy. Some like to earn money, become famous, have carnal pleasures, etc. Some people like to make others happy, but they do so because doing so makes them happy as well. So, finally, I dont feel so bad since I always knew that I am quite selfish. At least, I dont try to exploit others. I dont have ill feelings towards anyone, unless of course they knowingly try to harm me. Even then, I dont try to harm them myself. I just dont wish for their good health as much then. But generally, I just hope that everyone does well in whatever they want.

I am not really hungry for money, but I do look forward to salary day for some reason. Ok, I got my onsite salary for this month. But, I need to wait another 2 days before I get my offshore salary. The reason for it is that although this is the month of February, since this is a leap year, there is this one extra day - 29th Feb. Come to think of it, this would be the last Feb 29th for me in my twenties. Gawd! The countdown has already begun!! And come 2009... oh, 2009!! Get it? 1979... 2009... I will be 30 then!! Past my youth, and into the primes. My brother would be 35 then, and in another 5 years, he would be 40. Gosh, thats old! How can he become 40 years old so soon? It was just yesterday when we had our childhood squabbles. Come to look at it, I guess the age 20 to 40 is the best in a man's life, at least I think so. Under 20, you are just not sure what to do. I know I am still not sure about that even at this age, but when under 20, you feel that way all the time. I just wasnt feeling strong enough when being a teenager. Life was just a big mess of problems then. I guess all teenagers feel that way, even that your family is conspiring against you. Why are you parents being so nice to you sometimes? Are they aliens? Are they feeding you to eat you up sometime later? Gosh, the awful thoughts! They are the best folks in this world now. 20s is the best. I feel at the top of my health. Agreed, I dont run around a lot like I used to when I was a kid, but I know I can run all the 10 miles from home to office (or better still, from office to home) if I needed to. Going back to the thought of age 40, it looks like life is done then, at least from a position of being proud of your health. So, now, I guess its time to say thank you God for giving me this health... agreed with a few minor problems, like one of my teeth hurts some times. But, I see lots of people who dont have a limb, are deaf/blind/lame. That would be so awful. As they say, you value your eyes only when you lose them. So, let me say I am so thankful to be so healthy. But, again, 40!! I hope I find the purpose of my life at least before that.

About money, I just realized last month that I became a millionaire. Yes, thats right, but in Indian rupees. Of course, not all of that is liquid right away, since a part of it is invested. But, I am not counting my assets (stuff that i bought) or the profits that come out of my investments. Wow, I am so rich! Why do I want to have more money? I havent yet thought about being concerned about getting money. Let me just do my job. Thats all that matters now. I used to think money will come on its own (like it has) and that later, I can concentrate on doing things in my job that will get me more money, that is if I ever feel the need to. Thankfully, I now feel I wont ever feel that need. Hope that feeling continues. After all, how much money is enough money? I know a friend of mine who feels that her monthly allowance is enough. And that is less than the (positive) square root of my offshore monthly salary! So, all that matters is how you differentiate the needs and the wants. If you can live within your means, you are rich!

What could be wrong if all people are transparent with their thoughts? Would that be bad? I say this because I know many people just smile at you and then have ill feelings about you in their mind. It all comes out sometime, and when it does, you feel so bad. Feelings of what did I do to deserve such a feeling from this person? I just wish that all people can just be frank and straightforward to express their feelings about others. I dont like all the faces people put up. Maybe, thats why they say the world is a stage. But then, if the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? Good joke, but that wasnt original, I am afraid. But hey, I am being frank here. Modesty is not my strength, but at least I dont take up credit for things I dont do. By the way, the modesty part is an original. Yep, I sure like that. I am so proud of myself. Heheh. "Modesty is not my strength."

Who says one cant learn a few things from cricket interviews? First, the funny one. When asked about how it was to play with all the youngsters around him, Sachin said age was never a factor. It just matters how well you play. Because when he was sixteen, nobody was bowling slow to him just because he was young. LOL. Good one. Now, the more serious one. Wasim akram said that when he used to play as a youngster, all he used to think about was how to become the number one bowler in the world. That set me thinking. Is there something like the number one developer or technical architect in the world? Hmm, perhaps not. Then, what should I do? Should I change my career?

Thats it for now. Later.

Sunshine!

I see sunlight!

And it happened, one fine day. After days of waiting, I finally get to know that I have to make my shift from the windy city to the icebox of the country. That's right, I am now in Minneapolis. The temperature around here used to be -40 last week. But, its getting better ever since I came down here. Ok, time to back track. I am going too fast.

Before I continue on the exploits here, let me deviate to another leaf in my not so leafy personal life of interactions with members of the opposite gender. It was another quiet day. One of my room mates had just returned from office, while I had again spent all day at home, wondering about my days ahead. I was listening to some music, and was strolling thru the living room and back into my room. Another stroll to the living room, and I distinctly heard something that resembled a knock on the door. I went to check at the door and looked through the peep hole of the front door. And, there was a young lady of a stranger, waiting for the door to be opened. My initial thoughts were "What the...?!" Obviously, I had to open the door. She introduced herself and said that she was our new neighbour, stays alone in her apartment and had just come up to make some friends. Ah, the stuff that dreams are made of, something that you see only in the movies. The proverbial girl next door. Anyway, she was looking to make some friends, and as I knew I would be moving out in some days, I told her about a lady in the next building, who she can spend some time with. In the last 2 days that I spent in Chicago, I introduced them to each other. Another good deed done, and forgotten. Neki kar, dariya mein daal.

Now, about the new assignment. I came to know about it while I was at Navin's place for his birthday celebrations. After a few Sachin and Amitabh impersonations to entertain the little crowd that had gathered at his place, I got a call from the big boss. He told me that something turned up in Minneapolis because of which I had to go there quickly, as soon as possible. Well, thats how it always happens. When it does, it is just so sudden. But, I knew that meant I could take my own sweet time of 2 days.

I thought about taking a rental car to make the six hour trip. But, it was snowing so badly, that it changed my mind pretty soon. Otherwise, I was arguing with my brother about taking some risks for an adventurous trip. So, finally, I arranged for the travel, and asked the manager there to do something about my accomodation as well. I just had one more comparitively sunny day left. So, in the evening, when my room mate came back, I asked him a favor - to drive me to a few of my good friends in Chicago, and bade them a quick farewell.

The packing didnt end till about just an hour before I was to leave for the airport. And yes, the drive to the Chicago airport was interesting as well. The driver was a Gujju and as I got out of the cab, he helped me from getting squished by a city cab driver, who just managed to run one of the wheels over a part of my leg. Oww, it hurts! But, as mom says, instead of giving out a curse of "Why does this happen to me?", I smiled and thought "Thanks bhagwan, shaayad koi badi museebat tal gayi." Guess some big mishap has been reduced to this.

First day in office is always difficult. Being in a new place, you have so much to remember - new locations, roads, directions, faces, designations, new terminologies and some events. I guess it would be fine to say for everyone that one gets accustomed to these as time goes by. But, learning all these quickly is what makes a difference for you to be comfortable in the initial few days.

Day 1 at the new place was full of meetings. I remember at least five of them. And in the first meeting itself, I was able to contribue to the meeting more than I had expected myself. I also got a GPS (Good Point, Sudheesh) for one of my suggestions.

Day 1 was fortunately a Friday, something which happens rarely. I learnt that from Monday thru Friday, the office wear is quite professional - a blazer/coat/suit or a tie is required. Well, I didnt particularly like to wear a tie, the abhorrance perhaps been due to the fact that I had to wear one on a few days in mInfy. On the other hand, this was the only chance where I was able to use my coat - I had just used it 2 or 3 times in the last 2 years. So, day 2 was exciting on that front. I also travelled to office by bus on this day as the others had left by carpool early. The bad part was that when I put in the 5 dollar bill, I didnt get my change back for the ticket. "I am sorry. Didnt you know?" was all the driver could say. Talk about daylight robbery. This is one of the instance when you have to think of the pitfalls of the over-automization in the US.

Today was day 3 at the new office. This morning, 2 of the world's strongest forces were working against one another. my sub-consciousness and my consciousness. the former wanted more sleep and the latter wanted me to get up. After an hour's struggle, it was over.

I was in a bit of a hurry today - didnt shave and forget to get a blazer or a tie. In fact, I didnt even have breakfast. Blame it all on the extra few minutes of sleep. I hope I can get to sleep early tonight. I will as soon as I finish this blog.

First thing to do in office is to check mails. But why? Perhaps expecting some good news. Well, that hardly ever happens. Still, one can keep the hope alive. There was a meeting at 9. Didnt even read the doc once. I have to check the cricket score though, before going to the meeting. India won a last over thriller, but Sachin didnt score. Good that I didnt spend my time last night on it then.

Before going to the meeting, I got a tie from Amjith. He is beginning to prove to be quite helpful. A couple of hour long meetings are done now. Most of what was discussed either seemed too obscure or too trivial. Slowly, things will make more sense, I guess.

By the end of the day, I see that all day was mostly spent in meetings again. People in this office seem to have a lot of meetings for seemingly trivial reasons. Designing a single table required an hour long meeting. Maybe there is more to it than meets the eye. Getting to these meetings isnt that easy either. This building has 37 floors. And, I am seated on the 21st floor. From where I am, to get to the top floor, I cant simply take the elevator. There are 3 elevators in this building. The first one goes only upto the 12th floor. The second one doesnt stop to the floors upto 12. It just has stops from 13 thru around 26, I guess. And similarly for the third elevator. So, to get to the top floor from where I am, I first have to get all the way down and then switch elevators. Sheesh! Well, actually, least there are 3 sets of elevators of around 6 to 8 each. Still, sheesh!! Isnt there a better one?

And since I still havent got my access card made yet, once I get down at any floor, I have to either wait for someone to open up the door or have to call someone to open the door for me. I mostly do the former, of course. And I cant take the stairs! Gosh, I did that once. Then, realized that I was trapped as to get back to the hallway from the stairs, I needed the access card as well. Well, it makes the first few days just that much rougher.

Some meetings are kept at other buildings. And its so cold outside, that we have skyways here, which are closed paths, connecting 2 buildings. The skyways are at a height of the second floor. So, when we cross over to the next building, we do so over the road underneath. We can also enjoy the view when doing so. Pretty good, I say.

Hmm, that was quite a lot of blogging. Better head to catch some sleep now. And here's a sign off I learnt from NFSMW. Later.

Still dark

"Ek hawa ka jhonka aaya, toota daali se phool.
Na pawan ki, na chaman ki, kiski hai yeh bhool?
...
Mera jeevan kora kaagaz, kora hi reh gaya."

If you could understand the above lines, you might have guessed that I am not in a particularly good mood right now. So, this might not be the perfect time to write a post on this blog. But then, isnt this the reason why I created this blog - to capture my ups and downs in life, which, over a longer time, one tends to forget?

So, whats the reason for being down? Lots of time, its nothing in particular, strangely. But, I guess this time its because my employer has let me down, by grading my performance in the past year as below average while I considered it above average. Well, this is not the first time this has happened to me. But, thats the concern. Am I losing the touch? The feeling that I am good in what I do in my job - is that just a personal feeling? Doesnt my employer realize what this does to my self-confidence? And to think that some (including me) used to think of myself as arrogant at times, considering myself to be the best thing since, well, sliced bread, as the saying goes.

Also, the future, even the short term, is pretty undecided right now. The horizon (which I mentioned in the last posting) never materialized. So, its still all dark at this moment. I dont even want to call my mom right now as she would sense the 'down' feeling in my voice. I dont want to disappoint her.

All I can do is to wait and look forward. These are the times when I am reminded of my own quote - "Bad things happen to good people." But, I would not like to lose hope. I will look forward eagerly, for sure.

As for this moment, I guess I dont have anything better to do, and so will go to sleep relatively early, which is defined as before midnight.

Whats that on the horizon?

I knew (a hunch, perhaps) that all it would take for me to be out of the current situation is to let it be known to the www (wild whacky world) and to post a blog about it. In fact, I was halfway through my previous post when I saw the first signs of it surface to light.

Letting it known to the world gives me back all the "oh, you are in heaven" responses. In fact, I got that so much that I possibly started feeling guilty about me getting a paid vacation while others struggled it out with their lives. And perhaps, I started wishing, without myself knowing about it, to get back to the work (whatta) life.

I got a few phone calls within the last hour - the only common thing being that everyone else is as confused about my assignment as I am. But, one thing is almost certain. By the end of this weekend, I will come to know about my next assignment and then the happy days are gone, for now. Sob!

But hey, I am happy for whats going to happen next. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Lots of nothing to do

It might seem to you (the reader, which usually turns out to be me, based on current statistics) that I have been putting down trivial accomplishments in my blog. Ah, you are mistaken. Perhaps they seem trivial to the uninitiated. Perhaps they are trivial to the initiated as well. But, you know what I think about trivial things?

As Rajesh Khanna says in the movie Bawarchi (a Hrishida classic)
"Yeh jo chhote chhote baatein hai na, aisa lagta hai ki iska koi matlab nahi. Lekin, dekha jaaye to kitna maayne rakhti hain. ... Yehi chhoti chhoti baatein hain jo zindagi mein asal maayna rakhti hain. Kisi badi khushi ke intezaar mein hum yeh chhote chhote khushiyo ke mauke kho dete hain. Arey, badi khushi ke mauke dus bees hote hain, lekin yeh jo hazaaro laakho chhote chhote khushiyo ke pal hain, usey aap ganva dete hain."

For readers who don't understand Hindi, let me try to translate. "If we look at it, it seems these trivial things in life don't matter at all. But, in actuality, these matter the most. In search of big moments of joy, we lose out on these numerous small moments of joy. Such big moments of joy in life can be 10 or 20, but we end up losing out on the thousands and millions of small moments of joy."

Well, all this triviality isn't the norm for me, really. And so, we come to my current situation. Situation - I like that word. "Mr.President, we have a situation here." :-) So, situation it is then. But, what is this situation exactly? If not interested, skip the next blank line. Others, read on.

Ok, let me go into a quick flashback mode. Or is that a quickflash mode? Never mind. Let me just quickly flash my ...uhm... past days to you by saying I was working double hours for nothing extra in return (and I am not talking money, I rarely do) for 10 long and straight months. More about that has already been written about in a previous posting. Look for the section titled Nov 3rd. Ok, so, once I got out of that project, abruptly, in early November, I got some time off to get back to my senses. This basically included catching up with all the work I really wanted to do in office. Make no mistake, some of them are quite an advantage to the company.

Also, after doing all that work, I wanted to get some time off to do what I had missed out on - nothing. Yes, I had lots of nothing to do. But, even in November, I had the internal certifications to clear. Then, I went on a vacation - hey, that's not nothing, especially all the planning and traveling. And then, I got into a project for some days where I had to learn up something new - Ajax. No matter what I learn in the .Net world, they always find something for me to learn up and then use that in my work.

Ok, so after all that, I had to travel to Chicago in late December for my next assignment. It was the first time that I was positioned as a Technical Architect in a project. So, I was elated, looking forward to the new role and a bit apprehensive at the same moment. It was a project for just a few months, just 3 or 4 is what I was told. One of the most interesting topics during an onsite assignment is the travel. In my previous 2 trips, I had traveled by Singapore Airlines and British Airways. I classified them as the best and the worst trips that I had ever had. And since I had to travel from India to US via Europe again, I wanted something else other than British Airways. I got Continental Airlines this time, and I paid the extra 3 thousand odd from my pocket to the travel department for the difference in costs, just to avoid the British cabin crew.

In Mumbai airport, another first happened - they wanted to see if I had proper documentation, including a work permit. Well, they never asked me that before, and even if they did, I thought they would have waited for me to make the trip half-way around the globe. Once that and other formalities were done, I got a couple of hours after the security clearance and I utilized my time in downloading my thoughts onto pen and paper. Why do I mention this? Perhaps those thoughts might be digitized to this blog-spot later.

The flight from Mumbai to Newark was quite uneventful, albeit the longest flight that I had ever been on. As I got onto my connecting flight, my eyes slid to a monument that seemed vaguely familiar. Why, its the freedom lady - the statue of Liberty! That's when I realized how close the Newark airport was to New York. Till then, I thought they were that close only in pronunciation.

As the plane was about to land in Chicago, I couldn't help but recollect the thoughts that came to my mind when I had seen that picture before - a white sheet of snow spread all across the place. It had taken me sometime to realize the first time I saw it, that all that was snow.

I walked out of the airport, and one thing was certain, hell couldn't be colder. Hmm, perhaps hell is supposed to be very hot. But, I am sure they would have zones like this as well.

I failed miserably in urging myself to strike a conversation with the cab driver. I wasn't used to it, and so let that urge go down the drain, again. Perhaps, sometime later, I would talk to strangers better.

I knew the way thanks to the maps now available on the internet, and in fact, I was guiding the driver to make the turns. I knew the address said 985 Atlantic Ave and on Atlantic Avenue, we saw a building saying 985. Well, it wasn't really saying it, but there was a sign that emphasized a self-pronouncement. Anyway, we had seen the back part of the building and so, had to find a way to the front of the building, especially because I had 2 bags, each being 20+ kgs in weight, in addition to my shoulder bag. So, the cab driver dropped me off in the front of that building, I paid him the fare, the customary tip and off he went.

Well, the reception was cold, other than the fact that I didn't have a welcoming committee. But, little did I realize that in the attempt to find the front part of the building, I had come to another road, which was parallel to Atlantic Avenue. The realization comes later. So, I entered the building, into the little room, protecting me from the weather outside, but not allowing me to get into any of the apartments. I buzz on the intercom and it opens. I trudge along one of the heavy bags with me upstairs. Since I had to get to apartment E, and I just saw A and B downstairs, I knew it was 2 stories up. Hah, I was good at such simple logic. But, to my surprise, I saw a face having a racial origin that I couldn't quite comprehend and he definitely wasn't a person from my country. To make matters worse, he gave me a quizzing look, just the kind of look that people give to those who are lost. And lost I was. I didn't have a phone, didn't have a key to the apartment or whereabouts about the apartment I was looking for. In eagerness, I asked the guy if the apartment he occupied was apartment E. Sure it was. And is this 985? Yes. Atlantic Avenue? No, this is Pacific Avenue. Gawd! Do you know where Atlantic Avenue is? No. Do you have a phone? No, I just came in here recently. There ended the quick chat. But, the thoughts were still flowing. Jerk! Why did you open the door then?

So, I brought the heavy bag downstairs again to meet its companion. Well, now what? I felt like Columbus, and in America. :-) I really am in a fix. I dont think I will find a taxi anywhere close by either. Ok, I will just have to find the apartment myself. I knew that Pacific was parallel to Atlantic. I had seen it in the map. But, I couldnt lumber across the snow-filled roads (thankfully, the roads had been cleared that day) with all these bags. So, I left the heavy bags in that little room, with a note on it, explaining my predicament and to call my friend if I didnt return in an hour. I went around the place, looking for this apartment. Thankfully, I found another 985 within a few minutes. I repeated the procedure - called up apartment E on the intercom, they opened the door for me. I went upstairs, same logic to locate apartment E and then knocked on the door. Who is it? Sudheesh. After a moment of hesitance, the door opened. Thankfully, this guy seemed Indian. Chandan? Yes. Hi, I am Sudheesh. My impeccable logic was at it again. This guy wore something that told me he stays here. Also, I knew the other 3 guys staying there. 2 of them were sleeping then. Hey, its nearly noon! And the 4th guy was away on vacation. I went on to explain in short about the fact that my bags are in the apartment across the road, and that I will now proceed to get it. I will meet you downstairs in 5 minutes, he said. Perhaps he didnt understand that I was implicitly trying to seek help to lug one of my heavy bags. But, I didnt want to make it explicit. I try not to ask for help as much as I can. It builds character. :-)

Thankfully, my bags were resting where I had left them, along with my note, which I pocketed and havent mentioned to anyone yet. Pulling those heavy bags across the snow-filled road has to be defined as manual labor and it wasnt mentioned anywhere in the employee handbook. But, I got all the bags across to the originally intended apartment.

The silver lining during these gray moments was the first walk in the snow. Later, I experienced my first snow fall, the snow flakes falling gently onto me, but it was getting to be really cold. Thats when I realized that snow, like rain back home, is perhaps best experienced from the inside of the residence window. In the next few days, flakes were the norm - corn in the morning, self-served with hot milk and snow during the rest of the day.

Next day I accompanied one of my room-mates to office. I got a visitor's pass, thanks to him. The contractor badge wasnt ready yet, and as I was to find out later, wouldnt be ready for another 10 days. The first day in the new office was a breeze. The manager, to whom I was supposed to report to, wasnt in, on that day. And it didnt occur to me to call him or send him an email. Thankfully, his boss came around later in the day, and I had a witness to prove that I had come to office that day. It wasnt a question I normally come across, but 2 days later I did, and I was glad about the witness then.

On the next day, my manager introduced me to some client, and he looked up my name in a spreadsheet. As he didnt have my name on that list, it meant nobody seemed to have a clue as to what they had called me in for. I found out later I was supposed to work with some other manager in the client team and as he was out on vacation, I didnt get to find that out until after the first week.

Even after a week, the task for which I had travelled across continents was still not approved, they said. In the next few days, I got some work to do, but work that I used to do during my first year of employment in the company. Anyway, I used this work to fill my time in office. And once that was done in about 4 days time, there was no more work for me there. And then, the bombshell. The client had a rethink on the budget and so, decided to "let go" of many of us. My manager spent the next few days trying to find another assignment for me, or so he told me. Meanwhile, I was on bench. Yes, I get to do all the nothing I want to do now.

So, here I am, being paid in full and no work to do. It has been fun so far. But, I can already sense the feeling of boredom coming along. And, also I get this strange feeling of something on the horizon. I hope its sunrise. Time to wake up to another chapter in life!

Good Start

What is it about the first day of the year, the month or even a week? On the same lines, what is it about your birthday that stirs up this feeling of "ok, starting this day, I am going to..."? Resolutions! Why do we conjure up some imaginary time-stone to start off on a new decision?

Well, believe it or not, I am a mere mortal and I fall into this trap as well. So, before I see the time tick past the end of January '08, I tell myself that I would do certain things better in the coming month. And within minutes, I already have a list of things that I would like to do on the first day of the new month.

And now, at the end of the first day of this new month, I look back at all that I have accomplished.
1. Watch an AB movie - Sholay, for the umpteenth time - check.
2. Watch cricket - India lost badly to Australia, and worse, Sachin didnt play this game - check.
3. Change sim in phone - check.
4. Call home - check.
5. Inform family and friends about new phone number - check.
6. Visit the laundromat. - check
7. Make dinner - ah, methi rotis, and after such a long time. I am my favorite cook when I decide to do that. Narcissist? Sometimes, I guess. But, it tastes good, the rotis, perhaps more so because of all the energy spent to prepare it. Ahh, fulfilling! -check.
8. Write a blog - in progress. Err, where do I put the check on that? :-)

Overall, a good start. But, I still have plenty of to-do things on my list. Hmm. Later.

Back here

I started to compose the previous post in Jan '08, but for some reason, couldn't finish it. Today, on 1st Feb '08, I return to my blog-spot, to finish the previous post and start off with this one.

I realize that all the previous posts that I thought were trivial, are pretty intriguing, at least to me, when I read them now. I was afraid all these posts might seem like 'Dear Diary' writings, but who cares? Not me, anyway.

More coming up very soon. Stay tuned. :-)

Hello 2008

Well, it's been quite some time since I wrote a blog, but I have been very busy - busy with writing as well. I have been busy meeting people and writing about my experiences about it to them. So, now that I am done with that for now, my thoughts have come back to the thought station.

First, happy new year to everyone reading this. For all I know, I might be the only person who reads this, but it might be fun coming back here after some time to see how I used to feel a few days or maybe even a few years ago, and that in a way, as you would see, is really the essence of this post.

To continue, and perhaps to finish a previous point, our team won the finals of the football tournament. This time, though, I was not present at the venue to play the game. Why, I ask myself, did I not play this oh-so-important match? When was the last time I played in the football finals? Well, it had been a few years. But, still, I decided not to play it. The reason was quite simple. I was not the best player in the team. I was pretty sure of our chances of winning the match, even without me. But, more importantly, I had things to take care of, that I really had been looking forward to, for quite some years now.

Ahmedabad! This used used to be my hometown for quite a long time, for the simple reason that my home used to be in this town. Even after leaving this town in 1995, I kept returning to this place at least 6 times (lost count) in the next 12 years. Only a few of these travels were planned, and almost all were fateful. This one was both.

In December, as I planned out my vacation, I saw that I had to go to Mumbai, Rajkot and Udaipur - places which I had to select because of happenings there. Seriously, if I am to visit these places, I could draw imaginary lines around them on a map, and see the place lying between them. I surely have to take out a few more days to visit my favourite city. So, after my exploits in these places for a total period of 5 days, I chalked up 3 days on my plan to be in Ahmedabad. As always, meeting old friends and ex-neighbours, who have been more dear to me than relatives or other friends, was one of the top things in my agenda. But, almost hidden in the agenda was an effort to seek out a treasure - a chance to meet a dear old friend, lost in time, but whom I have been searching for, since the last 10 years. Recently, I got a hint of a clue, and I was here to see what I could make of it.

Let me just go into flashback now. The 3 years of my high school days were probably my best days. The friends I found then are still the ones I hold close to my heart the most - Atul, Rinta, Sanjeev, Ganesh, Pathik, Saloni, Ambily, Anupama, Pratishtha & Riju - a few names I can never forget. Sadly, I had to leave Ahmedabad after my 10th exams, in 1995. But, used to keep in touch with all the above, through letters and occasionally, through phone calls. The internet and emails were quite unknown to us then.

Now, let me just jump straight to the treasure I talked about. Rinta! It would be an understatement to call her a gem of a person, and that's why I guess the treasure word suits her better. The last time I met her was in 1997, after our 12th exams, when she had come down to Kerala. A dear friend of mine from the PDC (11/12th) days, Ragesh, used to live around where she was, and accompanied me that day to locate her house. After that, we continued to be in touch through letters for another 2 years.

But, one fine day, she wrote to me, that she had taken a decision to effectively stay away from us. And so, she was lost. And almost all others, other than Sanjeev, were lost for some time as well. It was only after a few years, when I realized that these were my best friends, I started to trace them again.

I haven't met Anupama & Riju to this day since. Last year, as luck would have it, though, I found a few of my lost friends on orkut. And to my delight, Ambily was one among them! Ragesh was another. Thanks orkut! I called up Ambily and in an off-chance, she mentioned that she had met Rinta in Sabarmati a few years ago. This was the first instance of
[Note: On the lines of AB in Coolie, this was the place in this posting where I had a mind accident. More about that in the next posting.]
me knowing about someone having met her in all these days. Till then, I thought she was lost. I made a lot of efforts to get any trace of information, but her family had moved from Ahmedabad as well.

So, one of my tasks in Ahmedabad turned out to be to locate Rinta. Sanjeev was almost as enthusiastic as me, and he accompanied me to her last known whereabouts in Sabarmati. To cut a long story short, I couldn't meet her that day, but I got my next link to the mystery. Perhaps more about that some time later.